Midlifers, Stop Baby’ing Your Parents… AND Yourself!

My family gathered at my grandma’s house recently, the same day her downstairs toilet broke.

It was a holiday, so plumbers were scarce.

This wouldn’t be a problem (to wait until Monday to get it fixed), except that it’s the only bathroom she has downstairs.

While there are two bathrooms on the second floor, she doesn’t climb the stairs anymore.

So unless we could get her upstairs somehow, she had no way to access a toilet.

Realizing all of this together, we looked at each other with blank stares as if to say, “What are we going to do? Do we have to carry her up there?”

Not to mention, she lives alone, so even if we could get her up there, what would she do after we all left?

Well, the personal trainer in me reemerged for a minute and I thought…

“We baby her too much. And because we do that, I bet she seems much more feeble than she probably is.”

So I said, “Grandma, I bet you can walk up the stairs.”

The look she gave me was great – the kind of feeling I try to strike up in my clients as often as possible.

I could see it in her eyes, as if she was thinking, “Do you really think I can?”

I looked back at her with eyes and the slightest nod that said, “Yes, I know you can.”

To reassure her (and the rest of my family), I said, “I’ll stand behind you every step of the way. You’ll know I’m there in case you get scared.”

Then I said, “Let’s go. Let’s practice right now.”

She followed me and using the railing to her left and me behind her for support, guess what?

Up she went, slowly but surely.

She hadn’t been upstairs in a long time.

After she used the bathroom, she began going through things in the different rooms and I even helped her try to find some pictures she’s been looking for.

With my support and genuine belief in her abilities, my grandma did something she didn’t think she could do.

Sure, I get to do this with my clients every day, but I never did it with my grandma.

The great thing is that one success builds on another, so it wasn’t just about her climbing the stairs by herself, but it was about how she was going to feel about herself when her next challenge came along.

I’m sharing this with you because I remember thinking “how rude and inconsiderate can he be?” in grad school when my professor said, “The worse thing you could do for grandma is carry her luggage.”

I thought we’re supposed to help older people, right?

But not long after, I really understood it.

I believe we “baby” some older people too much – we carry their bags, help them get out of the car, push their grocery cart – the assistance we give them is endless!

Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t help older people; some really do need our help and can’t do a lot of things on their own.

What I am saying, however, is that if you think they can do something on their own, don’t baby them.

In my Flourishing 50s community, we’re studying the Blue Zones and I recently posted something about the Okinawan centenarians.

We’re learning that they have very little furniture.

Instead, they sit on the floor a lot.

The floor might not sound like the most appealing place to put your bum everyday, but according to the Blue Zones:

“The fact that old people get up and down off the floor several times daily builds lower body strength and balance, which helps protect against dangerous falls.”

Not to mention Okinawans (and most centenarians) are active walkers and gardeners.

Now, these are 100-year-olds I’m talking about, which brings me to my next point…

You.

Yes, you.

There’s a reason they call it “midlife,” because if you’re hoping to live to 100, you’re only about halfway there.

These centenarians aren’t weekend warriors, nor are they marathoners – they simply live an active lifestyle.

My grandma didn’t think she could walk up the stairs.

I didn’t help her (physically) at all – she did it all on her own.

Look, you’re getting older, but you’re not old.

Don’t let excuses get in the way of you living a long, healthy life.

My grandma doesn’t have arthritis or any other physical limitations besides the ones she puts on herself (and that we put on her).

After realizing she CAN climb the stairs, what ELSE can she do that she didn’t think she could?

And what about you?

What limitations are you possibly putting on yourself that are untrue?

What limitations are you putting on older people that might also be untrue?

My professor in grad school was right.

What he was trying to say is that we have to stop baby’ing old people (and I’m saying ourselves as well), because it’s not helping them, but hurting them.

And it’s hurting US in the long run.

Remember, the goal isn’t to just live a long life, but it’s to live a healthy one for as long as you can.

Empower yourself to try something new physically – you know, something you’ve been meaning to try but haven’t yet like that yoga, kick boxing, or Pilates class.

Heck, even sitting on the floor once in awhile would be a great start.

It’s Your Turn to Take Care of You,

P.S. Want to join the Flourishing 50s community and continue the discussion on LONGEVITY through the Blue Zones? 

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