It’s Not What We Have, But Who We Have

Welcome to the fourth week of our five-week series on the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying. Today, we’re diving deeper into regret number four.

1. “I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

Consider these two statements: “I wish I hadn’t lost my friends,” verses “I wish I hadn’t lost touch with my friends.” Notice the difference here is “losing touch” with a friend verses “losing” a friend altogether. So then, are you surprised by this regret “I wish I stayed ‘in touch’ with my friends” rather than ‘losing’ friends”?

Each one of us probably has different friends from all different places. You may have friends you have grown up with since you were babies. You may have friends that you met in high school and still get together with every few years to reminisce. You may have friends that you met in college or when you started your first job. You may have new friends that you recently met at a book club or in yoga class. And let’s not forget that we even now have Facebook “friends.”

I love this quote: “It’s not WHAT we have in our life, but WHO we have in our life that counts.” As we evolve, grow, and mature through life experience, change of jobs, or moving to a new city or country, we both lose friends as well lose touch with friends. The fact is that throughout our lives, friends will simply come and go. The important thing is to take time to evaluate and really feel good about “who” you have in your life.

Take the time to examine your own unique friendships. Consider journaling through these five questions:

• How important would you say it is for you to have strong friendships in your life right now and why?
• If you were to die today, would you have the regret that you didn’t stay in touch with certain friends?
• Which friends, if any, would you like to reconnect with and why?
• At midlife, if you could create the ideal female friend who is physically and emotionally healthy, what would she be like and what would your friendship look like?
• Where might you find a friend like you mentioned above and are you willing to seek out new friendships like that right now?

I hope you take the time to journal or at least think about the questions I posed above. Maybe after going through those questions, you feel like you’re right on target with where you want to be as far as the friendships you currently have in your life. On the other hand, maybe there’s a lack of strong friendships and you really want to make new friends or reconnect with some whom you may have lost touch with over the years.

It’s true that we are the average of the few people we spend most of our time with. Today, I hope you’re spending your precious time with the people most precious to your heart.

I’ll see you next week for our fifth and final part of our “No Regrets” series.

Your health and wellness coach in your 50’s,
Kim