Look For the Bright Spots

I begin every coaching session with a question. Some of my favorites are:

• What’s something good that’s happened recently?
• What’s something that’s brought you joy lately?
• What’s something you’re proud of yourself for since the last time we talked?
• What’s something you learned about yourself recently?
• What’s something you’re doing well right now?

Sometimes my clients have a hard time answering the “question of the day” I choose to ask them.

But, we don’t move on until they answer my question.

It’s not because I like to see them stumped; rather, it’s because I know they don’t ask themselves these questions often enough.

In other words, I think we often have the tendency to be focused on what’s not going well or where we’re falling short or where we’re dropping the ball.

I’m reminded of this lady at my local grocery store who seems to always have a positive outlook.

No matter if it’s raining, snowing, or a bright sunny day, she has something positive to say.

It might be: “What a gorgeous day!” or “Look at all this beautiful produce you get to take home today!”

Or if it’s a weekend morning she might say to my partner and me, “I hope you ladies have something you’re looking forward to planned for your day!”

In the past, over quick conversation as she rang up our groceries, she’s shared with us that she’s single, hoping the right guy will come around, makes just enough money to get by, and most of her family (with the exception of her daughter) live far away.

She might be one of the most positive people I know and perhaps not because she has everything she wants in life (as she mentioned to me she doesn’t), but because she has made a choice to have a bright outlook on life.

In fact, I once asked her what keeps her so positive and she replied that she is healthy and happy to be alive and she gets to interact with (mostly) nice customers all day long.

I share this with you because you might be in a better socioeconomic or relational position than my friendly cashier, but I find that it’s often in our nature as women to dwell on the negative.

For example, consider the opposites of my coaching session opening questions:

• What’s something bad that’s happened recently?
• What’s something that’s brought you sadness lately?
• What’s something you’re disappointed about?
• What’s something you just can’t seem to get right recently?
• What’s something you’re not doing well right now?

For some, these are much easier questions to answer than the positive ones.

And maybe we don’t actually ask ourselves these questions, but I think that generally our tendency is to focus on the negative, on what’s not going right at the moment, as opposed to what is.

This is why I sit with my clients, at the start of our session, for however long it takes until they answer my positive question – I want them to get in the habit of asking themselves these types of questions on a regular basis.

In the very least, I hope (if you don’t usually do it), that you too begin to choose to see the bright side of things more regularly.

Make it a habit to ask yourself questions like:

• What’s going right today?
• What am I doing well right now?
• What small thing am I proud of myself for?
• What am I learning about myself?
• In what way(s) am I growing through both the challenges and the triumphs that life is bringing me?

Remember that life is composed of things that are going well and things that aren’t, at the same time, all the time.

The attitude and outlook we choose on a regular basis is what will make the difference in our progress forward.

Finally, keep in mind that we always have a choice whether to see our circumstances as negative, which narrows our perspective, or positive, which expands our outlook.

So today, will you choose “negative and narrow” or “positive and expansive?”

You know which one I hope you choose.

It’s your turn to take care of you,

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Personal & Professional Best

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