Put Your “Shoulds” Back on the Shelf

“I’ve been ‘should’ing’ all over myself.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle when one of my clients opened with this line at the beginning of our coaching session.

But in all seriousness, I find that we women tend to do this – carry a lot of “shoulds” around with us all day.

Yes, I’m talking about me too.

In fact, I’ve found that I need at least one day a week where I put my “shoulds” back on the shelf, so to speak…

One day a week I try to remove the word “should” from my vocabulary.

One day a week that I ask myself, “What do I want to do?” instead of “What should I do?”

And be careful to not combine the question with, “What should I want to do?”

Again, a day of no “shoulds.”

It’s not easy, though…

As I’m doing things I want to do, I find that “shoulds” love to pop into my mind and make me feel guilty.

But, here’s the thing.

I was asked to speak to a group of busy, hard-charging professional women the other night, and one thing I talked about was some of the excuses I hear quite frequently when it comes to reasons why women often put their self-care at the bottom of the list.

I quoted to them a few I frequently hear:

“Kim, I’ll start taking care of myself when…
…I’m not so busy.
…My schedule clears up.
…I don’t have so much on my plate.”

I told the audience that I believe there’s no perfect time for anything, but there’s the right time.

I said that it’s unlikely their schedule will all of sudden clear up and they’ll have ample time to practice self-care.

Even if that did happen, I said that it’s probably only a matter of time before they have more “To-Do’s” to add to their list.

So instead, we must learn how to build self-care practices into our lives, not wait until the “perfect” time.

Again, there’s no such thing.

The right time, however, is as soon as possible; so today, even if the stars are not aligned, is as good a day as any to practice self-care.

Consider this: you don’t even have to make time to “do” anything.

The first thing I suggest is just asking yourself, “What do I want?”

That’s it! You can do it while driving, walking, or simply pausing work at your desk to ask yourself that question.

The interesting thing is that you probably know a lot more about what others want –your spouse, kids, colleagues, co-workers, and friends – but how much have you really explored what you want?

Yes, self-care isn’t always about “doing” – it’s also about reflecting, dreaming, and exploring what you like, what you don’t like, who you are, and who you’re becoming.

Then perhaps one day this coming week you can begin with one small “want”.

Put your “shoulds” back on the shelf just once this week and practice tweaking your vocabulary.

Think:

“Could” instead of “should.”

“Get to” instead of “got to.”

“Want to” instead of “have to.”

Begin this practice, even if hard at first, and you’re already on your way to more self-care.

It’s your turn to take care of you,

 

 

 

It’s Your Turn to Take Care of You!

Book a time to tell me where you are and where you want to be.

Here’s how I’ve helped other women like yourself.